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True-Life Confessions of a Facebook Ninja

Facebook NinjaFor me, grad school was one big Facebook warning label. Professors were constantly passing us articles about young professionals and college presidents alike who had suffered the consequences of an errant Facebook post. In some of these cases, I was appalled by a professional’s lack of judgment; in others, I thought the school was being ridiculous. Either way, the message was clear: watch what you post.

Some class sessions dissolved into heated debates about whether the actions taken in various cases were right or wrong or what should be done about the whole issue. The whole time, all I could think was:

Don’t these people know how to use privacy settings?!

For generations, parents have instilled in their children the importance of watching their words with the ever-popular if-you-don’t-have-anything-nice-to-say-don’t-say-anything-at-all mantra. Logically, this train of thought has now extended into if-you-don’t-have-anything-glowing-to-post-don’t-post-anything-at-all realm of Facebook. With this idea, I disagree wholeheartedly.

This is the problem with being both a writer and a public servant.

My work life dictates that I be “professional” (read: perky and devoid of unpopular opinions), while my journalistic pursuits would falter and collapse if they were not founded on emotion and opinion. When my mother commented “You probably shouldn’t have written that” about one of my Smartly posts, I countered with “But that’s exactly why I write! To share! To entertain! To start debate! If no one ever felt anything when they read my posts, what would be the point?” She gave me that disapproving look that only mothers can and moved on. I felt victorious.

Facebook brings to life all of our long-ranging debates about professionalism. Many people believe that teaching students to be professional means transforming them into robots programmed to follow extensive business etiquette protocols. While it has always been a danger to voice an unpopular opinion in a professional setting, Facebook tacks on the extra danger of that opinion being in writing.

It is true that college students need to be taught a certain level of discretion. It is not wise to post pictures of yourself draped over the toilet post-binge or to share indecent shots of your female friends’ Halloween costumes. It is probably not a good idea to update your status to include profanity about your boss or to Photoshop together cruel images about your coworkers.

But this does not mean that you shouldn’t exist.

Parents, employers, and users alike are now much more aware of the entire Facebook phenomenon than they were when the site began in 2004. They have a much better grasp of social networking opportunities and challenges, and they fear the posts of the younger generation. Each of us young’uns has heard the [MANY] cautionary tales, and we are well aware of what can happen in the wrong situation. On the other hand, we are also well aware of how Facebook has changed the social landscape. Facebook groups offered venues of support following the shootings at Virginia Tech and Northern Illinois, when deceased students’ pages became virtual forums of love dedicated to lost lives. Mobile apps have enabled busy young professionals to keep in touch in the spare moments of their days. Fan pages have provided businesses with an easy, cost-effective solution for concerns about regular communication. Walls and photo albums have enabled far-flung family to see pictures of a recent trip or offer well wishes on special occasions. Shy students have been given a portal of self-expression and self-discovery. Facebook has become an integral part of how we communicate; for all its publicized “bad,” Facebook has provided us with a lot of good.

So for me, it is not a matter of quitting Facebook. Instead, it’s a constant system of checks and balances–an assurance that the professional me aligns with the personal one. And perhaps most importantly, it’s keeping abreast of technological changes and learning how to use those privacy settings!

So when a coworker recently to commented “Wow, you’ve got your Facebook profile on super-secret!,” I smiled knowingly. Of course it is. Because I, dear reader, am a Facebook Ninja.

My new digitized normal

It was just a few years back that I took pride in saying- I am on computer at work all the time, once I am home except a quick email check, I am offline completely. If I needed to get in touch, I’d call. If I needed to buy something online- I’d ask hubby trusting his deal finding skills way better than mine! I would always ‘lecture’ two of my closest friends- Get off the laptop. Ok not lecture as much but shout! I just didn’t get it.

Slowly and surely it changed. I got more and more online from home. I finally caved in and signed up for my data plan on cell and since then there is no looking back. This followed by Facebook, blogging and now really enjoying the new Android toy ‘Ok fine, it’s a phone!’!

I am online all the time via my phone or on my laptop. Simple. There was time prior to kids, we’d finish dinner and go for a walk in our area, or occasional weekday bowling or try out new hobbies like oil on canvas or read a book in the patio or just curl in couch with a good pre-selected Netflix movie. Lovely times. After kids, once V would sleep, we would continue to watch our movies, sometimes play a board games or if we had family home, we’d still go out for a walk once in a while.

Then came my digitization. Our weekday evenings are marked by tucking in V and then opening our respective laptops and being online for a bit. Only after that we’d look up and then chit chat. Only to have the laptop light shown in our faces. I now “need to” go to my daily go to sites. Of course I suffer from “every email must be read the minute its received” hence the frequency on being online is way more. That’s my new normal.

Hmm…

The good thing is we are reverting back to board games. We have increased our paper magazine subscriptions and signed up for book clubs. This is keeping us offline just a bit longer. I am defining a new normal for me.

We recently visited the Apple Store. I have been against owning an iPad, iTouch for a while now. You see I don’t want to be a net addict in denial! But I saw little V play puzzles so effortlessly on the iPad, enjoying the Coloring on Android and navigating the words so easily, I feel she will get digitized at a faster rate than you and me.

My newly defined normal might just change again!

Facebook: A Public Service Announcement

Oh, Facebook.  You’ve become a defining icon of my generation.  You’ve completely changed how people interact, fight, plan parties, and even talk.  You’ve made a billionaire out of a guy who is younger than I am (SIGH).  You know what else you’ve done?

You managed to irritate me on a daily basis.

You failed to provide the rules .  Yeah, I said it.  You need rules because your eight million plus friends have gotten out of control.  The  situation is so ridiculous that, a few weeks ago, I actually deactivated my Facebook account (GASP! No fear; I had to reactivate it to announce to the world that I got engaged. DUH.)   Since you have refused to implement guidelines, I will do it for you because I am a gracious, yet annoyed,  user.

When posting a profile picture, try to keep it classy or funny.  This isn’t Myspace.  The whole “I’m going to take a picture from a really high angle so I look awesome, and everyone will awe at my huge boobs” picture pose went out of style circa 2005 and will have the same historical effect as Olan Mills studio pictures from the 80s.  Having a profile picture in this pose will open you up to ridicule, and if you’re friends with me, a hearty defriending.

Everyone loves, LOVES their significant other but announcing it nine million times a day with back-and-forth Facebook posts and gag-inducing statuses makes everyone wretch.  Also, terms of affection like “wifey” and “boo” make me want to reach through the computer and slap you.  Since I cannot do that, my irritation is taken out on co-workers and my significant other, making them sad and scared.  You don’t want to incite fear and sadness, do you?  No?  Then stop using these terms immediately.

People have become accustomed to announcing their entire lives on Facebook.   Most of us are friends with everyone we’ve ever met on Facebook.  Frankly, I’m pretty sure you don’t want that co-worker of your friend from high school that you met while drunk that you’re on your period and your cramps are horrible.

Similarly, if something really horrible happened to someone and that person isn’t sharing it on Facebook, it is probably not appropriate to post your condolences on their wall.  Send them a card.  If you aren’t friends in real life, SEND THEM A MESSAGE.  Some people don’t want the Facebook world to know about all the super terrible things in their life.

If you have an overly cryptic Facebook status, people  realize that you are just looking for attention.  Things like, “super scared,” “I can’t believe what just happened,” or “So happy” scream that you want people to ask you about it.  If you are that hard up for attention (we all are, it’s okay), just announce it.  Further, being cryptic in an attempt to not overshare is oxymoronic, as clearly you are looking for the opportunity to over share.

Not everyone takes flattering pictures.  Do not post unflattering pictures of your friends.  If you must post them, do not then tag your friends in those pictures.  They will hate you.

I get that we’re all worked up about politics, but if you’re going to say something ignorant about one of the parties, make sure that your grammar and spelling is correct.  You don’t want to lose all credibility, do you?  In fact, maybe just use correct spelling and grammar in every post.  All. The. Time.

There are, of course, several other rules, but we’ll save those for another time.  However, if we all start abiding by these very simple and reasonable rules, I think we can make Facebook an enjoyable corner of the internet for everyone.

You can find more snark from the Faux Trixie on her personal site: The Faux Trixie

Parlez-vous le…..social media?

I grew up without a computer. I was not even thinking about it. Computers were for all the geeks of my prep high school who were wasting their lives playing “Lemmings” (remember those little guys who were shaking from left to right and yelling “Oh no!!” just before exploding. So much fun. Right?) and so on.

Not for me.

My parents didn’t have a lot of money while growing up but that was not even a financial matter. Most of my friends didn’t have any PC. Let alone Macs. We were too busy falling in love with rock stars, daydreaming and talking about boys. And you know what? We were just fiiiiiiiiiiine.

I got my first ‘machine’ at home in 1999. I was 23 and a few months, and desperately needed one. I was a graduate student, writing her master’s thesis. And I was not going to do it by hand.

Along with Word I discovered the virtual world and its innumerable connections to the real one. It, literally, changed my life.

On March 3rd, 2001 I applied to a bunch of doctoral programs in the United States. I wanted a change. Needed one. A big, deep, transforming one.
And it came. Through the Internet.

Now typing is a second nature. No need to look at the keyboard. My fingers have their own eyes. Emailing? Sure. Add to that updating statuses on FB, loading up pictures, chatting, twittering, Yelping, blogging, advertising, posting, again and again. Adding @, # and https every other word.

Without. One. Hour. Of. Respite.

The only thing I keep refusing is Skype. Gives me the chills, in a bad way. I am doing way too many things while I am on the phone, and I am not ready for anyone to see them. Particularly not my mom. She would immediately notice my pimples, my roots, and my weight gain. Some things should really remain archaic.

How did I get there? Seriously?  Could I possibly be one of these women – 49% of them – who would rather give up sex than their online surfing which, according to them, doesn’t require any ‘special warm-up, treat and/or effort’?!? Hmm…

I am not the only culprit. I am sure that all of my friends are in the other 51% (right?!) but still, sometimes I cannot help but wonder what happened to us. For God sake, I didn’t even a cell phone in France!! My addiction coincides for me with my arrival to the US. It is therefore hard for me to make a distinction between the two. Being away from home led me to find home on the screen, and everything followed. Snowball effect. It all made sense.

And at the time I was still social-media free.

I am sure that things are exactly the same in France. In fact, I know they are (yes, we do have computers, and they work, too. We even have high speed and wi-fi, which some of my students couldn’t believe even last year). My baby brother (of 23) in on FB, and actively so. A few days after the launching of Yelp France I received a compliment on my account from a brand new ‘Yelper’ based out of Metz (my hometown) who was telling me that he didn’t know how well Yelp would do since there were already so many similar reviewing sites…Really?!?

I am much further behind than I thought. I felt down right stupid for asking him what he thought about it. He knew already all about it, and much more.

Not having been back home in almost 4 years I feel a bit out of touch with the everyday reality. But I am learning step by step to get back into the virtual one. One megabyte at the time.

But I love social media with a passion. They helped me find love (thanks Yahoo Personals!), friends, jobs and a ton of other opportunities. They also steal some of my freedom and impose the irritant ramblings of people I would rather strangle. But these are the rules of the game. I cannot change them.

And I play the game. The best I possibly can. For better or worse.

Technology – The unifier

As a man who works in the field of Information Technology, it should come as no surprise that I’m something of a tech head.  I love technology and everything it does, from the alarm clock that wakes me up in the morning, to the television I watch just before bed.  Yet, as I talk to people, I find that technology gets a really bad rap.  Some say it works to divide, cutting us off from our fellow human beings of flesh and blood.  Personally, I don’t find this to be the case at all.  In my experience, it has worked to bring me closer to my friends and family, and has even changed my life for the better.

I was a social outcast for my elementary school career, it wasn’t until high school that I actually acquired a real friend.  In high school I found my place among fellow nerds, and we spent time in our parents’ basements playing video games or DnD.  I thought these were good times, and I still look back upon them fondly, but they weren’t perfect.  Girls were still a mythical creature I’ve only read about, and being in the same room as one instilled a sense of panic.  Luckily, though, technology offered away to speak to them without actually sharing the same air.  AOL had it’s issues, but it was the internet, and the internet was good.

After high school I lost contact with some of my friends, but others I was able to stay in touch with through the magic of the internet.  Amidst the whine of the modem connection there was friendship.  One day a friend of mine was sitting at art school, and he had his notebook open.  A girl sitting next to him noticed my screen name written on the paper, and exclaimed it was a character from her favorite show, coincidentally also mine.  He got her screen name for it and I added it to my list.  I remember staring at it for a long time, here was a flesh and blood girl, sharing my digital space.  I kept clicking and typing a greeting, only to close the window at the last moment.  Finally, I took a deep breath and typed as fast as I could, hitting enter before my better judgment was able to stay my hand.

We talked a lot after that.  We shared photos and music, and grew close.  Occasionally I would travel to Chicago to see her (I lived in Indiana at the time).  My life became hectic, as I dropped out of college and bounced between a few crappy jobs.  But still, the internet was at home, and we still talked.  Finally, I landed a help desk job in the Chicago area, which was conveniently only a half-hour drive from her home.  We began hanging out regularly, and as the seasons passed, she became the wife I know and love today.

Today, technology still plays a role in bringing us closer.  While we have things to talk about, and enjoy each others company, our recreational preferences don’t always synch up.  While she’d rather go out for a walk or a movie, I’m generally happy staying in and relaxing.  I get worn out being dragged about (my job keeps me out and on the road most of the time), and staying home too often upsets her.  Finding a balance can be very difficult.  This problem is overcome when we’re able to play video games together, an activity we both really enjoy.  We can spend hours working together towards a goal, and have a lot of fun.  Without technology, that would be one less experience that we could share together.

Because of this, I could never see technology as divisive, even though I’m sure others hide behind the digital wall.   But if you utilize technology to reach out and connect with people, it can definitely serve to bring us all closer together.

Zel-kun out.

Testing….1,2,3…

This is a test of the emergency awesome system…this is only  a test.

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