My divorce took fourteen months. As fate, or the God’s of irony would have it, that was also the exact length of time as my engagement. During that period, and even occasionally still today, my friends and family comforted me with the notion of karma. The magic medication of the jilted spouse, the universal corrector of all wrongs to right and right to wrongs. I prayed to the God of karma daily. I even silently made deals and offered up personal emotional sacrifices to the karma Gods just to have them respond to my divorcee siren song. I prayed, and I prayed for… karma.
At the time it was a comforting notion. It kept me warm at night and gave me something to have fantastical daydreams about when awake. Most of all it made me feel safe. Like a life preserver on the Titanic I desperately clung to the notion that karma would make everything right. Knowing the ship that had once vowed safe passage to me was going down I believed my karma preserver would save me.
My mind played out many fantastical and elaborately funny scenarios by which my cheating ex-husband would feel the pain I had been feeling. Only his justice would be served on a platter of hilarity. Well, hilarious for me anyway because I love nothing more than to laugh so hard I cry. He’d get his, I’d get my laugh and become magically happier. And so on I prayed for karma.
This got me through my divorce with my sanity intact. After all I had heard about this magical karma train since childhood and firmly believed in its existence. I knew Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy were not real but that karma was very real. After all I had caught glimpses of others fortunate, and sometimes unfortunate, trips on the magic karma train in my life.
Time has passed now, several years actually, and as life moves on my friends and family still remind me that karma is on my side. I imagine karma to be a fairy like, feather boa wearing, big haired, cigarette smoking chick with a martini in one hand and her magic karma wand in the other. When my family and friends bring up karma still I smile and nod and agree, he’ll get his, I’ll get mine. I love them for loving me enough to try and slip me the karma roofie.
The day I discovered that my ex-husband actually married the “other woman” on the same weekend as OUR wedding anniversary I learned something very important about karma, myself and how far I’ve come…
I don’t need karma. In fact karma can take her magical retribution list of who gets theirs and when and how and fold it twenty ways into an origami swan and shove it. I am done putting my faith, my power, my hopes, my dreams and most of all my happiness in the hands of a maybe. My happiness is mine to harness and control and so is yours. The second verse of my life will not be the same as the first.
My message for those who have been through a similar time, a time when you feel like you’ll never get up again, you’ll never believe in yourself again or you’ll never be whole again is simple. Only you can make your happiness happen. Karma is fabulous but it’s not something you can sit back and pray for, wait for, wish for or put your dreams or life on hold and wait for before you move on to your own good times, your good karma. It’s not a mythical magical equalizer the universe gifts to you and that will come because you’re so deserving of. If you spend your life praying for that sassy saucy karma fairy to deliver to the other person what they have coming to them you just may miss out on the opportunity to claim for yourself what’s coming to you. The good you deserve. Happiness waits for no one, karma on the other hand takes her own sweet time. Don’t be a waiter, be a doer.
About Jamie Wilson
Great article. Karma can be either a huge bitch or your BFF. I hope yours is the latter.
I love how you wrote this, Jamie. You’re correct…only you can make your own happiness, don’t wait for karma.
So, so true, Jamie. Life is up to you and you shouldn’t wait around for karma to right the world for you. But, that said, I still think your ex will get his…Karma exists and once she’s done with her martini and cigarette and purchasing new feather boa, she’ll be there waiting for him…Wonderful launch post for Smartly Chicago!
The idea that Karma is this kick-ass chick (feather boa wearing no less) is awesome. And I must admit I believe in Karma immensely. It gives me peace when some jerk cuts me off, or even when my house was broken into in the 90′s and completely and totally wiped clean. Everything gone. I imagined the TV’s he stole blowing up, the computer he took getting a virus etc. It helped. Of course it might just be a coping mechanism. But so is wine. And I find believing in Karma to be cheaper and less addictive.
Can karma come in the form of me punching your ex in the face? Your wedding anniversary?!
Your strength shines through, my love!
“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
-Abraham Lincoln (he’d totally dig you right now)
Great post Jamie! Karma can be such a wonderful thing, but I couldn’t agree more that waiting for it is a huge pain in the ass. And still, I’m sure he’ll get what’s coming to him. Even if it means having to wait until he comes back in his next life as Lindsay Lohan’s liver.
I personally do not believe in karma. Far to many wrongs go forever “un-righted”. Too many immoral people never “get theirs”. Karma is a comforting notion, to be sure, but it’s a concept born from human need to believe that morality will always prevail.
You’re on the right track now- be happy and productive- and you will be the winner- to be sure!
Loved your post
Off to purchase a feather boa. If I control my own happiness I’m gonna dress the part. Great launch post!
Awesome post!
I subscribe to a more faith-based version of karma, believing that everything happens for a reason. So it’s more of an it-will-all-work-out-in-the end type of belief than a he’ll-get-his type. But either way, what you say about making your own happiness, and the way you are really owning that is fantastic.
From one divorced mom to another, thanks for sharing this!
I, too, kept waiting for the Karma Fairy post-divorce. That bitch is always late. Bravo you for deciding to go to the party without her.
AWESOME!!! Found you first on Single Mom Survives and then followed you over here……………This is perfect timing for a fantastic week of revelations in my own personal take-charge-of-karma awakening. Thank you!!!
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